I think I'm being selfish. I don't know - maybe I'm not. I know that I'm frustrated. We moved here to Toronto so that TC could continue his studies, and because of that our lives are basically structured around his school schedule. That's the way it has to be, and most of the time I'm okay with it. I knew what I was signing up for when I married him, and I'm so proud of him and all that he's been able to do.
There are times, though, when it gets to me. When I feel like if I have to make one more sacrifice or set aside one more thing that I'd like to do so that he can pursue some aspect of his school life, I'm going to explode. And it's not that TC is overly demanding or insensitive to this imbalance - he's not, and he does try to make sure I have room for a life too. It's just that when I repeatedly end up holding the bag because he's overcommitted himself, doing things on my own that we were supposed to do together, or having to give up something to fill in for him in another area because something has come up and my activity was less urgent, I start feeling angry and resentful. Taken for granted.
And I know I shouldn't feel that way, because I know that I'm not taken for granted. I also know that sometimes these things just can't be helped - life comes at you fast and furious and all of a sudden you realize that you need to be in three places at once. I'm glad that I'm able to be here to help him when that happens.
Is it selfish to wish that sometimes our life was structured around me instead, though?
2 comments:
I didn't think I was THAT selfish until I had kids.... They have taught me that I have a temper, I'm selfish, and at times uncaring!
sharon
I'm glad you posted this. Selfish or not, you're certainly not alone in feeling this way from time to time.
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