It seems that we have entered another busy season! Work and life have gone a little crazy, but it doesn't stress me out nearly as much as it used to. I think I've finally come to the realization that the world won't end if I'm not able to get everything done on time, or at all. As long as I'm spending time with the people I care about, the rest will either get done when it gets done, or I'll realize that it's not as essential as I had thought it was :)
Part of the craziness is because of the ongoing adoption process, which is pretty time-consuming. We're finally finished our end of the paperwork, and are now waiting for all the security checks and references to come in. In the meantime we're in the interview stage of our home study, which involves a series of meetings with our adoption practitioner to talk about our families, our current situation in life, our relationships, and all our hopes/dreams/plans insofar as they relate to raising a family - essentially, everything he needs to know to get an idea of who we are and whether or not we'd be good parents. The last interview will also involve an inspection of our home, just to make sure there are no sharp pointy things sticking out of the walls or rats running around. At the same time, we have to take a 4-day training course, done over the next 2 weekends, designed to help prepare us for the issues surrounding parenting an adopted child.
The whole process is pretty intensive, and it raises a lot of questions that are kind of surreal. One of the things we have to do is determine what specifications we'd like for our children with regards to age, gender, race, and/or number. And how do you answer a question like "Are you willing to care for a physically or mentally delicate child?" If I were pregnant, it's not like we'd be choosing any of these things - they'd all be pre-determined, and we'd love them no matter what. But to be completely honest, nobody wants their child to have physical or mental difficulties. Does that mean such children are less deserving of a loving home than 'normal' kids? What level of 'willingness' is required? For what degree of 'delicacy'? How equipped are we to provide the necessary level of care?
Needless to say, there's a lot of thinking, talking and soul-searching going on in our household these days :)
3 comments:
I remember those decisions. It felt a bit like car shopping... but it felt wrong for it to feel like car shopping.... And we eventually broke all the standards we had set! Once presented with lives, it was more about if our family could handle this at this point. I have to admit struggling when turning down a child with a disability - it's not their fault after all! I love that you are walking this road!
And don't you love having every past and present detail of your life examined to see if you are worthy????
sharon
Car shopping is almost exactly how it feels! I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones who have struggled with this - thanks for the encouragement Sharon :)
Wow that sounds intense! Soul searching with your partner is always a wonderful moment, it will make your decision all the more real and joint.
Diego and I just recently did that with this job I am applying for (no word yet...). It is kind of down a different road from the one I was already traveling and I spent many sleepless nights wondering if I was doing the right thing. Talking through it with Diego and what it meant for us was the only way to really make the right choice.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! You are doing the right thing, soul searching and talking with your partner, and because of that you will be great parents whatever you decide! Best wishes on the course!! :)
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